Apologies, I didn’t mean to hit and run, but the last few days I’ve only been online for a few bits at a time. I’m glad I did though, cos I was able to come back and re-read what I’d written and shite, do I bite hard! I didn’t mean to sound so unkind, but your issues obviously strike a cord with me; I told you it’s like seing myself a few years ago and I’m without a doubt upset at myself for having spent so much time chasing my own tail. Thus, I am trying to get you to stop doing the same thing.

Now, I don’t think we’re having a different conversation, you just perceive it that way. You seem to fail to grasp the connection between the areas in your life, whereas nowadays I realise our past, present and future are all a perfect circle, and that our behaviour and approach to things is the exact same throughout all areas and that it comes and goes. Think of it as Maths, if you’re learning Maths, you can’t neglect the basics, you’re unable to get to level 4 if you didn’t do level 2 or 3. And that is what is happening to you, you’re aiming for level 11, when you didn’t go through the previous levels. You keep failing and then cannot understand how or why, you just keep going at it on level 11 in circles hoping that eventually you will crack it. Now, what I’m suggesting you do is come down one level, look backwards in order to go forward.

You’re feeling restless and welcoming change, but you’re scared of it and resist it too. You talk about wanting to discuss ideas and not letting ego get in the way, but I’m afraid to tell you that you get all prissy and defensive when something is pointed out to you about yourself. You must understand, we’re not having a go, but obviously, it’s easier for us to see you for what you are than you, that’s just the way people are. That is why people do therapy, a therapist is nothing more than a mirror steering us in the right direction, breaking that vicious circle of thought and making us realise there is an exit out of the roundabout we hadn’t realised before because we were so intent on our path.

I studied Economics and later Accounting, but I’m more and more interested in Psychology. It’s not that I’m not good at Economics or Accounting or even stock markets, which I currently work with, but I seem to have a knack for Pyschology, I see through people very easily and on top of that, I’ve had a first hand experience, having spent 10 years reading psychological evaluations on a daily basis and also went through 18 months of behavioural therapy myself, sometimes with bi-weekly sessions. I did not have anything serious wrong with me, I just needed help with thinking things through and get out of vicious thinking patterns.

Believe you me, I am more than aware of the excuses we give ourselves, how we fool ourselves and pretend. Although I was the one who actively sought behavioural therapy, for a few months I’d sit there and smoke 2 cigarretes before I even uttered a word. And then I’d berate myself afterwards for doing that and would tell myself it would be different next time. And then next time I’d burn 2 more fags before I rustled up the courage. And then I’d be angry at the therapist, how dared she, telling me that!! It happens to everyone, despite wanting to change, it doesn’t mean we’re not scared of change. Of course, ego also gets in the way and there’s nothing better than justified anger to fuel us up and get us going. Of course others are quick to point out what’s wrong with us, as if they themselves are fine examples of perfection, humpf. The thing is, yes it’s second to people’s nature to look outside rather inside, but it doesn’t stop them being right about us…

Pedro, I’m obviously still sorting myself out too and I’m lazy, I want help. That is why I’m offering help. I can’t get past level 12, but if you learn all the levels, then you can get at the level I’m at and perhaps provide me with some insight, yes?

That is the whole purpose, as you see, it’s purely for selfish reasons Please, please, please do read the book I’ve advised. You will see once you’re reading it why I’ve suggested it. You’re a nice bloke, you just need ripening.

Beijinhos,
Sara

If you didn’t want to bother replying you shouldn’t have. Would I take it personally? Not really.

But, according to the end of your comment, I shouldn’t bother replying right now, since you won’t be reading this anyway, right?

Anyway, I’m not going to argue personal stuff in public. I’ve explained why I disagree. To me, that’s the most respectful thing a person can do, because it shows I listen and think about what you say. But, to you, it’s apparently the opposite; if I disagree, it must be because I don’t even listen, right?

Listening works both ways. At least *I* bother. Or bothered, in this particular case. Why should I respect your opinions when you don’t respect mine, and proudly boast of not even reading them?

Follow Sara’s advice. Listen to others…

I can guess what happened or what didn’t happen last weekend. And I could be totally wrong about it, but there are a few chances that I might be right.

You won’t be able to cope with all the negative aspects in your life at the same time. Take a moment, breath. One thing at the time. First things first.

Think of your priorities.

I haven’t read your reply on my last comment because I know that, like Sara said, the only thing you did was a list of why you don’t agree with me. So why should I bother reading it?

Stop and think.

again, I appreciate that you care. However, we seem to be having two separate conversations here; there are absolutely no problems with my diet plans, or with the results I’ve been having. My weekend sucked because of that pesky thing called “other people”, and because I’m still more emotional and, yes, emotionally immature than I should be, nothing more. Where in my post did I give the impression that I’ve been having the slightest problem with my diet, nutrition, health, or anything like that?

I don’t need to know precisely what happened to you, it’s not relevant. What I do know is that people are all the same, we are more automated and less of an individual than what you may presume and that is why I thought your diet plans would not work. Not because you’re weak, or that you are weak for coming out and admitting it, that is not it at all, but because you are human and I could see your approach was not the most adequate. Velvetsatine gave you extreme good advice, she seems to know what she’s talking about, why not give her the benefit of the doubt and take in what she says? Instead you seem to write up a whole list of why you don’t agree with her. Why ask for advice then, shouldn’t you stop comments then?

We are the ones who know ourselves best and know ourselves worse, we lie to ourselves in order to make us feel better. Pedro, you do it, your family members do it, I do it, bosses do it, and so do children, we’re humans, it’s tantamount with he human condition. It doesn’t make it better though and often leads to feelings of emptiness and unhappiness, which I can see you have been having. Thus why I was pushing you before to move on from the diet, to tackle further change. It would be ok not to go further, but you are clearly miserable with your current life and yearning for change.

Rather than go around in circles inside your own little and think and feel the same things throughout, please take in what others may tell you. Especially if you know them and trust them. They may be wrong, but don’t dismiss them altogether, there may be a pearl of advice in there, learn how to listen in order to pick that up. You don’t listen, you only listen long enough to prepare your side of the argument. As they say, no man is an island, we derive our knowledge and wisdom from experience and from others around us, so, please stop and listen to what others are telling you, take the time to analyse and digest what you’re told, don’t be so stubborn and bloody flippant about it!

Beijinhos,
Sara

As for the rest, you really didn’t understand what I meant. The problem isn’t what I have done, but what I haven’t; I myself said that I was dealing with this part before I tackled the rest for real. Could I have done more? Certainly. I could have already solved all the problems and emotional traumas in my life. I could be so “cool” and charismatic that every woman I met would soon falling at my feet. Or I could have become so cold and distant that nobody could ever affect me, and nothing bad would have happened… but somehow I doubt that that would be your advice, or anyone’s.

Maybe I shouldn’t have shared that I had a lousy weekend here, as that makes me appear “weak”, but you know what? I don’t care; I said I’d be honest here, and I’m doing it. Besides, like I said in the beginning, the fact that I’m trying to improve myself and my life doesn’t instantly turn me into a wise guru. I make mistakes. I’m lazier than I should. And I’m still vulnerable to being hurt by others.

My feeling right now isn’t “life sucks”; it’s “people suck”. It’ll pass; probably by tomorrow I’ll be feeling great again. But, sorry to say, you don’t know enough about my life at the moment to be able to “divine” what I did wrong, what I should have done instead, or even what I’m feeling.

Now, if you can, please go read every single bit of advice everyone has given you here. They’ve been kindly giving you their time and wisdom, but you seem to have taken it with a pinch of salt and a somehow autistic approach. Perhaps now is the time to ask, do you seriously welcome people’s input or do you just want to hear your opinion in a different voice? Just a thought…

And by the way, have you read “High Fidelity”? I’d recommend it, urgently.

Cheers and beijinhos,
Sara