Comments on: “Radical Honesty”, and being a jerk

By: Pedro Timóteo

Pedro Timóteo — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 11:00:50 +0000

Maybe I’m looking at it from a different angle, but I don’t equate saying “yes, I’d mind” to a “do you mind doing…?” question with a negative answer. If my boss asks me to do something boring but necessary, the truthful answer is “I don’t feel like doing it, but I’ll do it anyway, since it’s my job”. I don’t even see a potential for conflict here.

A different matter is when the employee doesn’t think it should be done, as it’s a bad idea, but the pointy-haired boss, in his incredibly dubious wisdom, has asked for it. I’d tell him my reservations about doing that, but if he didn’t change his mind, I’d do it anyway, again, assuming that it’s a part of my job. If it was something potentially company-destroying (you can’t imagine the things I’ve been asked to do in some of my past jobs), I’d demand his order in writing. And if it was something illegal (such as sending mass spam to non-customers), I’d simply refuse.

So, you see, I’m already honest. Not “radically” honest, though; I’ve never told a boss how incompetent he was, and some of them in the past really deserved it…

By: Pedro Timóteo

Pedro Timóteo — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 10:54:33 +0000

So, Pedro, ignoring the writer who was a complete and utter tosser, what do you think of the movement?

Well, I see it as having two separate parts: “don’t lie, even white lies”, and “share everything that comes to your mind”.

I agree with the first part, and I think that, with a few unavoidable exceptions, I already follow it, at least more than most people around me. I don’t pretend to like what I like, or to approve an idea (even from a boss) I find dumb. I never faked non-existent feelings in order to get laid. And I always try to be honest with myself and others, even when the truth is uncomfortable.

As for the second part… there’s something to be said for it, but I think it’d work mostly when dealing with other people who were following it as well. I don’t know how much the “real world” would be able to handle it. It’s food for thought.

By: Cris

Cris — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 18:56:51 +0000

For that to be possible it would have to be generally accepted by the whole society. It’s a bit utopic, but I do agree it would be nice and freeing

By: Sarita

Sarita — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 18:36:54 +0000

Not really, no, people would just have to be prepared to hear a no from others from time to time. Still just because anyone would confess to the truth, that yes they would mind, it wouldn’t mean they wouldn’t do it, they would just be able to express their opinion freely without fearing the consequence of getting sacked.

By: Cris

Cris — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 00:10:20 +0000

If that were true then no one would even bother to ask, it would be an anarchy

By: Sarita

Sarita — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 23:59:33 +0000

Imagine if, when asked by your boss if you would mind doing some paperwork, you answered “yes I would”.Or, if you’re tired and a pregnant woman asks you if you would mind giving her your seat…

In reality, if everyone would tell the truth, then people would be expecting to receive a negative reply to their requests and would not be taken aback…

By: Cris

Cris — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 19:55:42 +0000

I think white lies are needed to keep the society from falling apart. Imagine if, when asked by your boss if you would mind doing some paperwork, you answered “yes I would”. Or, if you’re tired and a pregnant woman asks you if you would mind giving her your seat… This are probably not the best examples, but I think you can see my point.
However, sometimes, the effort to be nice to others is overdone and you get in situations where both parties are just saying “whatever you prefer” and both end up doing stuff that none would choose in the first place. That’s just plain stupid and those are, in my opinion, the situations where honesty is definitely needed.
So I think we should, most of all, try and feel at ease with people we do care about and also make them fell at ease with us, that way we can all be comfortable at being true to the ones that really do deserve our honesty, not worrying if the other will misinterpret what we said.

By: Sarita

Sarita — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 13:12:14 +0000

Oh Pedro, I fully agree with you, the writer is simply rude. In fact, a friend of mine posted this on a social network website and I said the same thing. see my replies below:

–start replies
I actually tend to be brutally honest with those close to me, I just try to say things in the nicest possible way. At the end of the day, I suppose they appreciate me, because they know I am trying to be fair. Then again, I am brutally honest with/ about myself as well, which not many people are willing to do.

But my bf enjoys it, in fact, quite early in the relationship he said he trusted me, cos I don’t tend to lie; I hate lying, either big lies or white lies, it takes energy which I feel is ill spent. And it takes getting used to, my bf sometimes would swallow hard and say, “right, let me just digest that” – I tend to be too blunt sometimes, I have been working on choosing my words more carefully
—
but the guy in the article was a bit of a tosser. one does not have to be rude to be honest… he was behaving like a spoiled child, not like an honest person.
–
I thought he came across as confrontational. He probably lies a lot cos he’s unable to face up to people, so he went about doing what he didn’t have the balls to do in his regular day-to-day life. like for eg. when his parents-in-law came for dinner and he behaved like a twat. the more i remember, the more i think of him as a twat. like when he had the meeting with the lady and bluntly told her he’d been looking down her top. bleedin’ hell, did he need to? if he’d explained he’d always found her attractive and as he was going through a period where he did not hold back the truth, he felt he ought to tell her that, would’ve been much more polite, no? perhaps awkward, yes, but not rude.

i hate rude ppl :p
– end replies

I feel that one does not need to be rude to be honest, but I do agree with the movement. If everyone were to be honest with themselves and others, we would probably be less insecure all in all, which would lead to better social skills and harmony between people. We would need to learn how to argue with people, how to accept criticism and invite change, how to be less judgmental – as in, we would learn to accept other people’s choices and not be upset by them, regardless of what they would be – and last, but not least, we would need to take a hard look at ourselves and acknowledge how we really are, rather than seeing ourselves as we’d rather be or presume to be. I think that actually, for most people, that would be the hardest thing to achieve.

So, Pedro, ignoring the writer who was a complete and utter tosser, what do you think of the movement?